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Topic: The Return of General Yak and Corporal Punishment!
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Osi Osgood
Film God
Posts: 10204
From: Mountian Home, ID.
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted February 24, 2009 03:03 PM
Keith! Good one! "Private Dancer"
(As long as she stays away from my "Private Parts", my wife might object)
Badadump Tss!
A woman goes into her daughter. She is a hefty woman and thin ks that she has bad digestion. The doctor examines her and comes back with the findings.
Guess what, your having twins!
"I'm pregnant?! Oh my goodness? How could this have happened?"
The doctor is amused by the answer, but continues on ...
"There is one big problem, however. If you attempt to have both children, it'll kill you. I hate to say this, but you'll have to chose one of the babies to survive."
The woman is terribly shaken. What is she to do? She comes back the next day and asks the doctor ...
"I know this may sound bizzarre, but is it possible to look at both babies and tell what they will be in the future?"
"That is a bizzarre request, but believe it or not, we can do that through tests."
So they do the tests and she comes back a week later to get the results.
"As far as we can tell, one will be a rock star and one will be a preacher. You have to make a choice. Which one do you want to survive?"
After much heartache, the mother replies ...
"I want the preacher to survive."
So they do the opperation and it is a success. One baby is born healthy. The mother is in the recovery room and the doctor comes to see her.
"The operation was a success."
"Can I see my baby?"
"Well, yes, but there was a slight complication."
"The baby is fine?" The worried mother asks
"Yes, of course. Come and see your child."
The mother goes in to be confronted with a leather and chains wearing baby with an electric guitar and he plays her a song ...
" You got me brudder,
but you didn't get me!
I was hiding
behind the left kidney! "
(Sounds even funnier with sound effects)
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"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "
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Osi Osgood
Film God
Posts: 10204
From: Mountian Home, ID.
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted February 24, 2009 04:14 PM
Corporal Punishment (he's a naughty fellow!) also likes ...
BLONDE JOKES!!
A brunette is in the middle of the road, walking down the yellow dividing line, with her arms out like an airplane, constantly repeating ...
" 26 ... 26 ... 26 "
A blonde comes upon this curious, and it looks like fun.
" Hey, can I do that too? "
The brunette gets out of the road and sweeps her hands towards the road.
" Be my guest! "
So the blonde goes out on the yellow dividing line and starts the "mantra" ...
" 26 ... 26 ... 26 "
A Semi-truck comes down the road and SPLAT, smears the blonde into the pavement. The brunette looks down going ....
"Tsk Tsk Tsk!"
She then puts out her arms like and airplane and says ...
" 27 ... 27 ... 27 "
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"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "
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Keith Ashfield
Jedi Master Film Handler
Posts: 997
From: U.K.
Registered: Dec 2006
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posted February 26, 2009 12:06 AM
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park until one day, an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," the angel said, "that I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly and dashed for the bushes, from whence there came a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes with wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more broadly, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll poop on it's head!" ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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"We'll find 'em in the end, I promise you. We'll find 'em. Just as sure as a turnin' of the earth".
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Osi Osgood
Film God
Posts: 10204
From: Mountian Home, ID.
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted March 05, 2009 10:08 AM
Hee hee ...
being that General Yak loves a good senior citizen joke ...
Tow elderly ladies are driving down the road and they are pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the drivers side and asks politely ...
" Mam, do you know how fast you were going? "
The elderly lady looks up and politely replies in her cute old lady way ...
" Yes officer, I was going 15 miles per hour, just like the sigh says. "
" Mam, that there is a highway route sign, not a speed limit sign. I'm afraid I'll have to give you a ticket. "
As the officer walks back to the car, the old lady turns to her friend and says ...
" It's a good thing he didn't catch us on I-99! "
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"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "
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Osi Osgood
Film God
Posts: 10204
From: Mountian Home, ID.
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted March 05, 2009 03:26 PM
What do you call a blonde with three brain cells?
Gifted.
and now, religious jokes, (those who are religious will probably get these, as they involve Bible quotes).
Did you know King David was into motorcycles?
" and David rode his triumph into the city "
Did you know that the disciples were into traveling by by vehicles?
" And they were all in one accord. "
Hyuk yuk yuk!
... and, of course, Baseball is first mentioned in the Bible ...
" In the beginning "
(in the "big inning"? Get it, get it!? (slap) OUCH! More more!)
"
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"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "
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