This is topic It' Snow Joke.......... in forum General Yak at 8mm Forum.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://8mmforum.film-tech.com/cgi-bin/ubb/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=001559

Posted by Keith Ashfield (Member # 741) on January 08, 2010, 06:00 PM:
 
December 13
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a oil painting. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 14
We awoke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow, covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the footpath. This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the footpath and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 15
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbour, Albert, tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Albert says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Albert is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.

December 16
Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shovelling the driveway and footpath. This is the life!
The snowplough came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shovelling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 17
20 inches forecast. Sold my car and bought a 4x4 Range Rover. Bought snow tyres for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked up the freezer.
The wife wants a wood-burning stove, just in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 18
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my arse on the ice in the driveway, putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 19
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood-burning stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shovelling. Took all day. Darn snowplough came by twice.
Tried to find neighbourhood children to shovel, but they said they were too busy making snowmen. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Albert says I have to shovel or the local council will have it done for me and then bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Albert was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Albert who has a plough on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she mad? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplough, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplough I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplough.

December 25
Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shovelling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

January 2
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

January 3
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me £1400 to replace all my pipes.

January 4
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. WIFE is driving me crazy!!! The family dog won't go for a pee in the garden unless I hold her above the snow - bitch!!!

January 5
10 more inches. Albert says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

January 6
The roof caved in. I beat up the snowplough driver! He is now suing me for a million pounds, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun doesn't shine! The wife went home to her mother. Another 9" predicted.

January 7
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shovelling, but at least I'm WARM!

January 8
I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed? [Confused]

[ January 09, 2010, 01:32 AM: Message edited by: Keith Ashfield ]
 
Posted by Keith Ashfield (Member # 741) on January 09, 2010, 01:51 AM:
 
This one is for Gian (and this tale is true!)

"Picture this" -

I have problems when it is time for our family dog, Sandy, to go out for her “exercise” walk.

It's not that she won't go out, but when we do so, the snow is "deeper" than the length of her legs! So, to prove she is not a "dumb dog", she tends to walk "on the road" because there is less snow. However, the salt and grit that is placed upon the road to help the snow melt, "hurts and burns" her paws, so she starts to hop, from one foot to the other.

Then of course, there is the other "problem". When she decides it is time to "empty" her bladder and she tries to "sit", (like all good lady doggies do) the snow "touches" parts that do like to be "touched" by something cold, if you know what I mean!

So there you have a picture to put in your mind -

Dog "hopping" down the road like a mad rabbit, which then decides to carry on with "life's essentials", only to find that when she "sits down" to "perform", her lower regions are frozen!

Add to all this, the picture of me, carrying Sandy back home, so that her paws and "other things" can "warm up", then falling flat on my back, in the snow, with my legs in the air and the dog on top of me!!!

I tell you, there is a limit to being an animal lover!!

I trust this "mind picture" will give you great amusement.

Sandy is barking at me again. I think this means another "trip" into the "Arctic" weather is required.

I feel like "Scott of the Antarctic" with my trusty husky leading me to the "Pole" (sorry, I forgot! Sandy doesn't use "poles"; she is a "Lady" dog).

Hope to write later, (if I return from my "expedition", into the frozen wastes).

 -

[ January 09, 2010, 05:38 AM: Message edited by: Keith Ashfield ]
 
Posted by Graham Ritchie (Member # 559) on January 09, 2010, 04:22 AM:
 
 -
[Wink]
 
Posted by Keith Ashfield (Member # 741) on January 09, 2010, 04:40 AM:
 
Graham - to quote my dog "Thank you for rubbing salt into the wound". [Frown]
 
Posted by Gian Luca Mario Loncrini (Member # 1417) on January 09, 2010, 10:17 AM:
 
quote:
Then of course, there is the other "problem". When she decides it is time to "empty" her bladder and she tries to "sit", (like all good lady doggies do) the snow "touches" parts that do like to be "touched" by something cold, if you know what I mean!

So there you have a picture to put in your mind -

Dog "hopping" down the road like a mad rabbit, which then decides to carry on with "life's essentials", only to find that when she "sits down" to "perform", her lower regions are frozen!

Add to all this, the picture of me, carrying Sandy back home, so that her paws and "other things" can "warm up", then falling flat on my back, in the snow, with my legs in the air and the dog on top of me!!!

I tell you, there is a limit to being an animal lover!!

I trust this "mind picture" will give you great amusement.

I will laugh for the rest of my life when snowing, after this, Keith. So, so funny!
 -

A big hug to you, P. and S. too (oh well, L. included of couse!)
 
Posted by Keith Ashfield (Member # 741) on January 09, 2010, 10:48 AM:
 
Thanks Gian. I thought you would appreciate the "actual picture" of the pooch, to supplement your "mental picture". [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Gian Luca Mario Loncrini (Member # 1417) on January 09, 2010, 11:01 AM:
 
Oh, I definitely did Keith [Big Grin] !
 
Posted by Keith Ashfield (Member # 741) on January 10, 2010, 04:45 AM:
 
I think this "encapsulates" the "tail"

 -

[Big Grin] [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Gian Luca Mario Loncrini (Member # 1417) on January 10, 2010, 08:45 AM:
 
 -
 


Visit www.film-tech.com for free equipment manual downloads. Copyright 2003-2019 Film-Tech Cinema Systems LLC

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.3.1.2