8mm Forum: Columbia Narrator (A CineSea Request)

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Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on August 20, 2015, 06:25 AM:

I have a special request for people coming to CineSea the month after next. (That's right! Reserve those rooms!)

You see, I'm not a great collector of digest film. I actually have some digests, and when I see one that sounds appealing I grab it, it's just not a quest of mine.

I guess it's fair to say I enjoy digests best by listening to the people that really appreciate them (It's like watching a wine taster at work!). It's part of what is great about meeting up with other collectors: you get to see these things from other points of view.

I keep hearing about the Columbia Narrator. From what I hear he was the Captain Obvious of his day: had to say what everybody in the room already knew and couldn't just let people enjoy the movie in peace.

I've never met him in person, but I'd like to.

Could somebody coming to CineSea kindly bring an example of his best (or is that worst) work for the Saturday night screening for my own enlightenment?

-the bad ones exist just so we can appreciate the good ones even more!

Posted by Gary Crawford (Member # 67) on August 21, 2015, 07:08 AM:

I may try to bring the Columbia digest of The Devil Commands. BECAUSE it is the one digest where they really were clever about the narration. The original feature has Karloff's daughter narrating at the beginning...... Well, the Columbia guys used that to their advantage by NOT using a male "narrator"...and employing a woman with a voice similar to the one on the feature to bridge the gaps in the story. It is almost seamless work.
Clever and well done. If I haven't sold that digest, I'll bring it to Cinesea as an example of a well done narrated digest.

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on August 21, 2015, 07:20 AM:

Thanks Gary,

-yet I'm looking for really BAD ones!

You know:

"Our hero dies"

-a half second before he plummets a thousand feet off a cliff! ("Noooooo, ya THINK so?!!")

I'm thinking: so bad they're great!

As an amateur filmmaker, I kind of enjoy really awful films. I get to sit there and say to myself "I could do something that good." and probably be telling the truth, too!

Posted by John Hourigan (Member # 111) on August 21, 2015, 09:33 AM:

The narrator in The Son of Dr. Jekyll digest goes through a gob of plot exposition for a mere 20-minute digest. While I know these digests were produced 40 years ago when the idea of films in the home were a new and somewhat untested media in terms of audience/consumer reaction, the ridiculous narration is the very reason I didn't screen digests to an audience (unless they were kindergarten students, which seems to be the audience type the narration was directed to, certainly not adults).

I guess you could say that digests were of their time which, when viewed through 2015 eyes, seem now to be quaint.

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on August 21, 2015, 09:56 AM:

That's where I want to go here:

"Ridiculous!!!"

Posted by Gary Sloan (Member # 4482) on August 21, 2015, 11:18 AM:

If this is the same narrator who I think it was, I had various Columbia shorts of edited features, I used to have Genghis Khan with Stephen Boyd with that guy, and an edited version of Enter The Dragon as well, plus I still may have many more.

Posted by Joe Caruso (Member # 11) on August 21, 2015, 12:46 PM:

I ain't got nuthin' - Shorty

Posted by Douglas Warren (Member # 1047) on August 21, 2015, 05:33 PM:

Steve,
I would recommend Columbia's "The Caine Mutiny" or "The Bridge on the River Kwai" for two examples of "the worst" of their narrator.I believe it was Osi that pointed out on another post how grating the narration was on "The Caine Mutiny",and I can vouch for that as well!

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on August 21, 2015, 07:26 PM:

Well,

We have a candidate: Paul Suchy has volunteered to mail me his Columbia Bye Bye Birdie Digest as a good example of narratus ad nauseum!

Thanks, Paul!

Maybe if we can round up a few more stinkers I'll sponsor some kind of competition: the CineSea equivalent of an Ugly Christmas Sweater contest!

Posted by Steve Carter (Member # 4821) on August 22, 2015, 05:09 PM:

'Jolson Story' and 'Jolson Sings Again' the narrator just yaps on and on over the dialogue, it's no wonder he never told us what songs were being sung...

Posted by Mike Newell (Member # 23) on August 22, 2015, 05:24 PM:

Columbia did have the market cornered in verbal crap. The Professionals come to mind for over enthusiastic commentary. Son of Dr Jekyll does take the biscuit ifor sheer length. Can you not check to see if the guy is still alive to come to convention and sign print boxes [Eek!]

It would make his day!!

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on August 22, 2015, 05:48 PM:

Does anybody know what his name is?

-can you just imagine?

"Is THIS what I'm remembered for? I was meant for Shakespeare!!!"

Posted by Adrian Winchester (Member # 248) on August 22, 2015, 08:26 PM:

Establishing who it was would be very cool. However, I think some of the 'best' narration can be found on the 200' Ken releases of AIP films, so unless it happens to be the same person, there's another star of the digest world. A notable example: after the audience have laughed their way through most of 'The Screaming Skull', this guy steps in at the end, providing an impressively serious Rod Sterling-style summary that convinces you that you've watched something slightly more profound than you realised!

Posted by Mike Newell (Member # 23) on August 23, 2015, 05:30 AM:

Remember Derann produced some guy who did the narration for was it pathe newsreels. We all went who the hell but it was a nice moment. The guy could be alive somewhere. I remember seeing a item on TV awhile back that one guy voiced thousand of trailers for USmovies. Patrick Allen ( he has roles in Wild Geese and Sea Wolves the guy with the beard strong voice) did the same over here in UK .

Good luck on your quest Steve if all else fails you pick up a failed actor Barney type character outside the convention and slip him $20 for the role of a lifetime.

[Eek!]

Posted by Mark Silvester (Member # 929) on August 23, 2015, 06:08 AM:

Hi all

love this thread...I have had a great laugh following it...that's what the whole business and memory of collecting is about! [Smile]

P.S. Mike, it was Bob "Danvers" Walker..at the Derann convention....and he was a legend and very good commentator...for the U.S friends check below to hear him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bz0sKkKSBFg [Smile]

Posted by Mike Newell (Member # 23) on August 23, 2015, 06:24 AM:

Yes Mark , I was there when he was unveiled. Remember the time at Blackpool we thought he had Jon Pertwee (Dr Who fame) but it was his lesser known scriptwriter brother who had enjoyed too much refreshment. He hadn't a clue who we were hadn't a speech planned but it was entertaining after dinner!!!

Posted by Mark Silvester (Member # 929) on August 23, 2015, 06:40 AM:

Hi Mike,

yes I remember - lol.

Here is a funny story - about 1990 when I used to write the book reviews for "film for the collector" - Phil Sheard who was a pal of mine rang saying that we, as contributors to the magazine, were going to all get a little award (it was actually a nice little 50ft reel on a marble plinth quite nice). Anyway, I could not go due to work commitments...but I can always remember that Phil who said he had been speaking to Derek had been hoping to get Clint Eastwood to present them - I kid you not...SERIOUSLY, as he was or had been either filming or working in the U.K. at the time...it never turned out for whatever reason?? But, I thin Derek seriously looked at it. Were you there at that night when they gave those awards out Mike?

[Smile]

[ August 23, 2015, 08:04 AM: Message edited by: Mark Silvester ]

Posted by Mike Newell (Member # 23) on August 23, 2015, 07:27 AM:

I remember the late Adrian Robinson got one. I didn't register on Derek's radar for a long time as I was buying everywhere else except Derann. He only focused on me after a few slightly critical reviews of his releases came to his attention then I got the arm around the shoulder routine. You have me to thank among others for Shane. We entertained Derek and Mike Dimmock after they attended one of our mini conventions and we brought up the subject of future releases. Pushing for a western we did the hard sell on him. His attitude was westerns don't sell but a few months later I got a phone all from Mike to tell me they were releasing Shane. Of all the movies he could have released think John Wayne, Clint Eastwood and Jimmy Stewart Shane was personally bottom of the pile for me. Next Blackpool convention Derek booms out to me " Brought out your western and you and your mates didn't bloody-buy" I said " That's because you brought out bloody Shane next time I will write you a list" I had to buy a Hammer feature from him to bring a smile to his face. Got my discount from Mike. By the way I asked him " Did Shane sell well?" And he said "Not bad"

[ August 23, 2015, 10:27 AM: Message edited by: Mike Newell ]

Posted by Paul Adsett (Member # 25) on August 23, 2015, 11:18 AM:

Mike, Shane is one of my most treasured S8 prints, and it really is a stunning one. I snapped it up as soon as Derann announced it. So thanks for whatever role you played in its S8 release.

Posted by Mike Newell (Member # 23) on August 23, 2015, 11:38 AM:

My drinks tab is on its way to you now Paul. Glad to be of any assistance Mike [Razz]

Posted by Gary Crawford (Member # 67) on August 24, 2015, 07:33 AM:

My most hated one is Fuller Brush Man in which suddenly the narrator who , up to then, has been simply filling in gaps, ...well, all of a sudden he's acting like the narrator in a documentary about Skelton. He mentioned something about the humor of the great Red Skelton , or something like that....totally taking the viewer OUT of the movie. Also ruining what is a stunning black and white print.

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on August 25, 2015, 03:44 PM:

I think it's fair to say the narrators weren't professional actors. I doesn't make sense somebody in SAG would have tolerated doing a voiceover like this and staying uncredited.

By the same token, I guess these films fit a loophole between the studios and the Union, otherwise it would have to be a union member, and get screen credit, and we'd know who it is.

Were there cases where the voice talent were prominent actors? I'd think a Vincent Price narrated horror digest would be a treat!

Posted by Steve Carter (Member # 4821) on September 16, 2015, 05:04 AM:

Why didn't Columbia put the narration on the balance stripe, giving you the choice to view with or with-out narration, some-what like DVD commentary track...

Posted by Andrew Woodcock (Member # 3260) on September 16, 2015, 05:26 AM:

That would have been an excellent idea Steve. If only!

Posted by Gary Crawford (Member # 67) on September 16, 2015, 08:14 AM:

Some projectors don't have twin track playback ...some are only one head, mono...on the main stripe, so putting narration on the balance stripe would be a bad idea for those folks who have one track projectors.

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on September 16, 2015, 08:59 AM:

There was a film-shaped package in the mailbox last night! (-I love that!)

Paul Suchy sent me his Columbia Bye Bye Birdie digest, which he reports is a great example of the Columbia Narrator babbling on and on throughout the film.

I'd actually like to show it at the Saturday Night show at CineSea, although I'll have to see how other people feel about deliberately screening a bad example!

Public thanks to Paul for the loan: he didn't have to by any stretch!

Posted by Joe Caruso (Member # 11) on September 16, 2015, 09:29 AM:

and one-track minds

Posted by Joe Vannicola (Member # 4156) on September 17, 2015, 10:01 PM:

Steve, I'd be curious to see it.

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on September 17, 2015, 10:22 PM:

OK, Joe!

I'm curious to see it too.

-I'm holding off watching it until then!

Posted by Lee Mannering (Member # 728) on September 18, 2015, 03:13 AM:

Steve Re-recorded most of mine some years ago to the 'the voice' man, mainly chose the stereo films which give these cut downs a bit of a lift.

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on September 18, 2015, 11:15 AM:

Sounds Good, Lee!

-yet "awful" is what I'm going for in this case: I want to hear why the Digest Aficionados are always razzing the Columbia Guy!

(Good thing I've already seen plenty of red film, don't you think?)

Posted by Joe Caruso (Member # 11) on September 18, 2015, 01:23 PM:

I can't stand 'Birdie', will just use earphones for twenty minutes - Really one of the few films in my life that I absolutely detest

Posted by Steve Klare (Member # 12) on September 18, 2015, 01:46 PM:

Shorty!

Maybe for you the narrator will be an improvement?

Then again, what exactly would a narrator say in an abridged musical?

"...but only after the Jets and the Sharks danced in an exaggeratedly choreographed manner and lip-synced songs did they understand the depth of their mutual hatred."

Posted by Paul Suchy (Member # 80) on September 18, 2015, 04:49 PM:

Birdie isn't one of my favorites either, but my best friend and I had 7 digests between the two of us back in the 70's, and Birdie was one of Richard's favorites. We watched those digest prints to death and I picked up a print for myself a few years back in order to relive those good old days. I did consider a rerecord to wipe out the narrator, but the songs are mostly in bits and pieces and the dialogue scenes end in odd places because of the narration. The story could have been easily pared down for the digest and included a few complete songs, but Columbia didn't do it the Ken or Universal 8 way. In this case, it's not as if a great movie got wrecked by a bad digest, but Columbia had some really good films that were spoiled by the helter skelter editing and our friend, Mr. Narrator.

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