This is topic Humor Risk!! in forum General Yak at 8mm Forum.
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Posted by Osi Osgood (Member # 424) on July 09, 2009, 10:31 PM:
It's been tense on the forum lately lads, so it's time for some levity!
(and I aint talking yeast! ... think about it, c'mon, that's it, you got it!)
A blonde decides that she wants to go ice fishing.
So, she goes out on the ice and cuts a hole and starts fishing.
Out of nowhere, she hears a voice say ... "There's no fish under the ice!".
This spooks her, so she goes away from there, cuts another hole and starts fishing again yet, once again, she hears a lous ominous voice ....
"There are no fish under the ice!"
The blonde cocks her head to one side, looking up and says ...
"Is that you God?"
The voice says, quite biligerently ....
"No!! It's the skating rink manager!!!"
Ba-da-dump! Tiss!
Posted by Mike Peckham (Member # 16) on July 10, 2009, 02:33 AM:
Two blondes walk into a building,
you'd have thought one of them would have seen it...
Posted by Keith Ashfield (Member # 741) on July 10, 2009, 04:27 AM:
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!" ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
If a brunette and a blonde fell out of an aircraft together, who would hit the ground first?
The Brunette - the Blonde would have to stop and ask for directions! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Posted by Joe Caruso (Member # 11) on July 10, 2009, 05:37 AM:
Gee, for a minute I thought you might have news on 'Humorisk', the first Marx Brothers film from 1920
Posted by Michael O'Regan (Member # 938) on July 10, 2009, 06:53 AM:
Ha, thats what I thought!! I guess we watch too many films, Shorty!!
Posted by Bart Smith (Member # 780) on July 10, 2009, 07:27 AM:
Blonde takes her car to the garage because the engine keeps cutting out.
Mechanic takes a look and says: "Don't worry love, just crap in the carburettor".
Blonde says: "How often do I need to do that?"
Posted by Osi Osgood (Member # 424) on July 10, 2009, 09:40 AM:
Your right on that one Joe. Man oh Man, would that be a hell of a find on ebay!
A brunnette is in the middle of the road, walking on the yellow line, repeating, over and over ...
47 ... 47 ... 47 ...
A blonde walks by, sees this and says, "That looks like fun! Can I do that?" The brunnette walks off to the side of the road, sweeping her hand forth, saying, "help yourself!".
So the blonde goes out into the middle of the road ...
"47 ... 47 ... 47 ...
SPLAT! A car runs over her!
The brunette walks out into the middle of the road, looks down ...
Tsk tsk tsk ... 48 ... 48 ... 48 ...
Posted by Mark Williams (Member # 794) on July 11, 2009, 01:43 AM:
A bride on her wedding night says to her husband ' I must confess darling, I was a hooker! ' .
He says ' That ' s all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it '
She replies ' Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan
Posted by Osi Osgood (Member # 424) on July 11, 2009, 08:46 PM:
Some parents are having problems with they're very disobedient sons.
They decide to take them to they're local priest, and the priest decides to see each of them separately, leaving the other back at home.
He meets with the younger little boy first. Now, this priest is a firm believer in the belief that God is in everything. He looks across his massive desk at the little boy and asks him ...
"Where is God?"
The little boy looks at him bewildered.
The priest moves his chair over to the side of his desk, a little closer and he asks again ...
"Where is God?"
The boy starts to get a little scared. he looks all around the room.
This time the priest sits right next to the little boy. He points right into the little boys face and says, once again ...
"Where is God?"
This is too much for the little boy, he runs out of the church and right back home. He tugs on his big brothers arm.
"Quick! We gotta run away!"
"What are you talking about?!" asks the big brother.
The little boy cried ...
"The priest says that God is missing and he thinks we took him!"
Ba da dump! Tss!
Posted by Chip Gelmini (Member # 44) on July 11, 2009, 11:42 PM:
Two fish swim up a river, and hit a concrete wall. One looks at the other and says, "Damn!" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posted by Osi Osgood (Member # 424) on July 12, 2009, 06:13 PM:
Haha! Short and sweet!
But I like story jokes ...
There's a rich bar in a high rise. An attractive yet tipsy woman
snuggles up to a handsome fella at the bar and says, "How about buying me a drink?"
The man says, "You have to try this stuff I'm drinking! It'll make you fly!"
"I'll believe that when I see it!"
So the man takes a swig of his drink. He then jumps out the window of the building and flys all the way around the top of the building and flies back in the window.
The woman can't believe her drunken eyes. "Do that again!"
"Certainly", says the man.
He takes another swig of his drink, jumps out the window, and flies all the way around the building again, coming back in the open window.
This is too much for the woman. "Buy me one of those drinks!"
The man buys her the drink. She takes a large swig and jumps out the window. Instantly, she plummets to the ground.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SPLAT!!
The bartender turns to the man and says ...
"Ya know, sometimes your a real prick Superman!"
Badadump! Tss!
Posted by Steven J Kirk (Member # 1135) on May 08, 2019, 12:52 PM:
I told my wife that she'd painted her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.
Posted by Allan Broadfield (Member # 2298) on May 25, 2019, 02:07 AM:
Excellent, I've repeated the Superman one a couple of times already.
Posted by Melvin England (Member # 5270) on May 25, 2019, 03:09 AM:
A drunken man staggering down the street walks past a man repairing the engine of his car.
The drunkard slurs "What's the matter with your car?"
"Piston broke," answers the man.
"So am I," replies the drunkard.
.
Posted by Allan Broadfield (Member # 2298) on May 25, 2019, 03:38 AM:
Excellent, I've repeated the Superman one a couple of times already.
Posted by Mark Mander (Member # 340) on May 25, 2019, 07:32 AM:
Two women supermarket checkout workers were talking and one said to the other " I can tell you if a man is single or married just by looking at him,
A customer walks up to the till and one says to the other," what about this guy"
Single she says
Prove it
Hello sir I can tell by looking at you that your single
Oh yeah he says,I am,how can you tell
She says,Your an ugly bastard.
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