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Author
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Topic: A Preview of a comedy coming to a theater near you!
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Osi Osgood
Film God
Posts: 10204
From: Mountian Home, ID.
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 27, 2009 10:05 PM
Okay, that might be a long time in the coming. After all, I'm in the process of writing it the script. Title isn't worked out yet, except for "Meet Harold P. Nutz". It's about a never do well, trying to find his way in life, he tries career after career and the film begins at his mid-life, looking back in flashbacks to his many blunders ...
You'll find this humor very Marx brothers-ish.
I don't have a problem posting this. I have already copyrighted the script in parts, so its safe to post it.
This particular blunder involves him being a psycologist ...
Enjoy, and post if you like it ...
client : C
Doctor (Nutz) : D
Wife : W
C = Pleased to meet you ...
D = Thats what you think.
C = My name is Morrie Dinkwether, and this is my wife.
D = Are you sure about that?
C = Am I sure?! What do you mean ...?
D = THAT could be anything! Now, why are you here?
C = I said, this is my wife.
W = How do you do?
D = How do I do what?
W = What? I ...
D = I can do many things, one of which isn't playing fetch with you!
W = WHAT ?!
D = I suppose HE thinks your fetching. Now, please, sit down.
I would ask you wife to sit down, but this isn't an auditorium.
C = I'll ignore that.
D = (pointing to wife) You can ignore this? I think I see your problem!
C = Your plague says that your a marriage counsellor?
D = My plaque says nothing of the kind, and I'll thank you for not mentioning my need for a dentist!
C = Could we get back to my marriage?
D = I'd rather get back to my fiancee. In fact, I'd rather have my fiancee on her back!
C = What about my wife?
D = I don't want your wife on her back.
C = WHAT ?!
D = ... if she had a back.
C = How dare you!
D = In fact, she has quite a back. If you told her to haul ass,
she'd have to make two trips.
W = (sobbing) I can't do a thing about my weight!
D = It's better it's your weight than my weight. What do I look like, a waiter?
W = What are you talking about?!
D = ... I don't even resemble a scale. (NUTZ turns to audience)
Could you imagine THAT stepping on me?
C = I find that insulting!
D = Just wait until you find my bill!
C = I wont pay!!
D = ... and I won't unlock the door. AHA! Who's stuck now?!
C = You sir, are an ass!
D = (pointing at wife). No, THAT'S an ass!
C = How dare ytou mention my wifes ass!
D = You started it!
C = Why, I ...
D = I can't inmagine how you'd start that ass.
W = Why? OHH!!
D = Do I wanna imagine?
C = Why did we come to you in the first place?
D = My second place is in dis-repair, and after looking at the two of you, I'm in dis-illusion. Are you two an optical illusion? Now I need a doctor! An optometrist! Tell me, do you practice birth control?
W = That's none of your business!
D = You came to me!
C = I can't imagine why!
D = And I can't imagine your wife.
W = OHHH!
D = Stop ducking the question! Do you practice birth control?
C = Yes!
D = AHA! That's your problem! Two berths insteads of one! You need three! She'd take up two at least!
C = Where'd ytou get your liscence to practice?!
D = Where'd you get her liscence?
C = My wifes ... ?
D = Come come, it must have been a local kennel!
C = What what? A Kennel?
D = A kennel of corn?
C = Are you calling my wife a dog?!
D = I can't call her a cab!
C = What ?! You!!
D = Yoo Hoo! Cab! See? It doesn't work. Big enough to be mistaken for one!
C = You son of a ...
D = What do you want me to call her? She needs a collar!
W = I've had just about enough of this!!
D = ... a flea collar.
C = I said, I've had just about enough of this!
D = You want MORE?!
W = I'm getting outta here!
D = I can't imagine how you got in? These aren't double doors!
C = GoodBYE!
D = Thats my service! Always a good buy! Tell your friends!
C = You've got to be kidding me!
D = No, I'm goading you, besides, how silly of me ... you have friends?
W = Are you insane?
D = No I'm Nutz. Pleased to meet you.
Written by yours truly, Osi Osgood
copyright 2009 Neo/Jeo Productions
I must confess, I used one already existing joke, the "Haul ass/two trips" joke, couldn't resist!
I hope you enjoyed it!
OSI
D =
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"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "
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Osi Osgood
Film God
Posts: 10204
From: Mountian Home, ID.
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted September 28, 2009 09:04 AM
Thanx Patrick!
Actually, i had thought of that scene already, but I'm not sure if I'll put it in. The crux of that particular scene is Nutz attempting to load up the old fashioned 35MM theater projector and getting wrapped up in his work (haha), as well as assorted small reels falling off of shelves and bonking him on the head, only to have the end of the scene be quite elongated, in which the last reel of a feature gets out of his hands, bounces down the stairs of the projection booth and out onto the street, with Nutz in hot pursuit!
Obviously, that whole scene is a tribute to the silent comedians. I do have the option of changing it and doing it like an old Goofy cartoon, with an announcer explaining the right way to thread a projector, and Nutz, getting it all wrong.
Most of that scene is written, but it might be a toss out in the long run.
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"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "
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