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Author Topic: Humor Risk!!
Osi Osgood
Film God

Posts: 10190
From: #399R K.O.A. Mountian Home, ID. 83647
Registered: Jul 2005


 - posted July 09, 2009 10:31 PM      Profile for Osi Osgood   Author's Homepage   Email Osi Osgood   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's been tense on the forum lately lads, so it's time for some levity!

(and I aint talking yeast! ... think about it, c'mon, that's it, you got it!)

A blonde decides that she wants to go ice fishing.

So, she goes out on the ice and cuts a hole and starts fishing.
Out of nowhere, she hears a voice say ... "There's no fish under the ice!".

This spooks her, so she goes away from there, cuts another hole and starts fishing again yet, once again, she hears a lous ominous voice ....

"There are no fish under the ice!"

The blonde cocks her head to one side, looking up and says ...

"Is that you God?"

The voice says, quite biligerently ....

"No!! It's the skating rink manager!!!"

Ba-da-dump! Tiss!

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"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "

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Mike Peckham
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1461
From: West Sussex, UK.
Registered: Jun 2003


 - posted July 10, 2009 02:33 AM      Profile for Mike Peckham   Email Mike Peckham   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Two blondes walk into a building,

you'd have thought one of them would have seen it...

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Auntie Em must have stopped wondering where I am by now...

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Keith Ashfield
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 997
From: U.K.
Registered: Dec 2006


 - posted July 10, 2009 04:27 AM      Profile for Keith Ashfield     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,

"Where did you get that?"

The pig replied,

"I won her in a raffle!" [Razz]

If a brunette and a blonde fell out of an aircraft together, who would hit the ground first?

The Brunette - the Blonde would have to stop and ask for directions! [Smile]

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"We'll find 'em in the end, I promise you. We'll find 'em. Just as sure as a turnin' of the earth".

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Joe Caruso
Film God

Posts: 4092
From: USA
Registered: Jun 2003


 - posted July 10, 2009 05:37 AM      Profile for Joe Caruso   Email Joe Caruso   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Gee, for a minute I thought you might have news on 'Humorisk', the first Marx Brothers film from 1920

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Michael O'Regan
Film God

Posts: 3085
From: Essex, UK
Registered: Oct 2007


 - posted July 10, 2009 06:53 AM      Profile for Michael O'Regan   Email Michael O'Regan   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ha, thats what I thought!! I guess we watch too many films, Shorty!! [Smile]

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Bart Smith
Expert Film Handler

Posts: 228
From: Hackney, London
Registered: Feb 2007


 - posted July 10, 2009 07:27 AM      Profile for Bart Smith   Author's Homepage   Email Bart Smith   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Blonde takes her car to the garage because the engine keeps cutting out.

Mechanic takes a look and says: "Don't worry love, just crap in the carburettor".

Blonde says: "How often do I need to do that?"

--------------------
www.bluecinetech.co.uk

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Osi Osgood
Film God

Posts: 10190
From: #399R K.O.A. Mountian Home, ID. 83647
Registered: Jul 2005


 - posted July 10, 2009 09:40 AM      Profile for Osi Osgood   Author's Homepage   Email Osi Osgood   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Your right on that one Joe. Man oh Man, would that be a hell of a find on ebay!

A brunnette is in the middle of the road, walking on the yellow line, repeating, over and over ...

47 ... 47 ... 47 ...

A blonde walks by, sees this and says, "That looks like fun! Can I do that?" The brunnette walks off to the side of the road, sweeping her hand forth, saying, "help yourself!".

So the blonde goes out into the middle of the road ...

"47 ... 47 ... 47 ...

SPLAT! A car runs over her!

The brunette walks out into the middle of the road, looks down ...

Tsk tsk tsk ... 48 ... 48 ... 48 ...

--------------------
"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "

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Mark Williams
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 846
From: West Sussex
Registered: Mar 2007


 - posted July 11, 2009 01:43 AM      Profile for Mark Williams   Email Mark Williams   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A bride on her wedding night says to her husband ' I must confess darling, I was a hooker! ' .

He says ' That ' s all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it '

She replies ' Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan

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Osi Osgood
Film God

Posts: 10190
From: #399R K.O.A. Mountian Home, ID. 83647
Registered: Jul 2005


 - posted July 11, 2009 08:46 PM      Profile for Osi Osgood   Author's Homepage   Email Osi Osgood   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Some parents are having problems with they're very disobedient sons.

They decide to take them to they're local priest, and the priest decides to see each of them separately, leaving the other back at home.

He meets with the younger little boy first. Now, this priest is a firm believer in the belief that God is in everything. He looks across his massive desk at the little boy and asks him ...

"Where is God?"

The little boy looks at him bewildered.

The priest moves his chair over to the side of his desk, a little closer and he asks again ...

"Where is God?"

The boy starts to get a little scared. he looks all around the room.

This time the priest sits right next to the little boy. He points right into the little boys face and says, once again ...

"Where is God?"

This is too much for the little boy, he runs out of the church and right back home. He tugs on his big brothers arm.

"Quick! We gotta run away!"

"What are you talking about?!" asks the big brother.

The little boy cried ...

"The priest says that God is missing and he thinks we took him!"

Ba da dump! Tss!

--------------------
"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "

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Chip Gelmini
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1722
From: Brooksville, FL
Registered: Jun 2003


 - posted July 11, 2009 11:42 PM      Profile for Chip Gelmini   Email Chip Gelmini   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Two fish swim up a river, and hit a concrete wall. One looks at the other and says, "Damn!" [Big Grin]

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Osi Osgood
Film God

Posts: 10190
From: #399R K.O.A. Mountian Home, ID. 83647
Registered: Jul 2005


 - posted July 12, 2009 06:13 PM      Profile for Osi Osgood   Author's Homepage   Email Osi Osgood   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Haha! Short and sweet!

But I like story jokes ...

There's a rich bar in a high rise. An attractive yet tipsy woman
snuggles up to a handsome fella at the bar and says, "How about buying me a drink?"

The man says, "You have to try this stuff I'm drinking! It'll make you fly!"

"I'll believe that when I see it!"

So the man takes a swig of his drink. He then jumps out the window of the building and flys all the way around the top of the building and flies back in the window.

The woman can't believe her drunken eyes. "Do that again!"

"Certainly", says the man.

He takes another swig of his drink, jumps out the window, and flies all the way around the building again, coming back in the open window.

This is too much for the woman. "Buy me one of those drinks!"

The man buys her the drink. She takes a large swig and jumps out the window. Instantly, she plummets to the ground.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! SPLAT!!

The bartender turns to the man and says ...

"Ya know, sometimes your a real prick Superman!"

Badadump! Tss!

--------------------
"All these moments will be lost in time, just like ... tears, in the rain. "

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Steven J Kirk
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 873
From: Southern England
Registered: Apr 2008


 - posted May 08, 2019 12:52 PM      Profile for Steven J Kirk   Email Steven J Kirk   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I told my wife that she'd painted her eyebrows on too high.

She looked surprised.

--------------------
VistaVision
Motion Picture High-Fidelity

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Allan Broadfield
Master Film Handler

Posts: 452
From: Bromley, Kent
Registered: Nov 2010


 - posted May 25, 2019 02:07 AM      Profile for Allan Broadfield   Author's Homepage   Email Allan Broadfield   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Excellent, I've repeated the Superman one a couple of times already.

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Melvin England
Jedi Master Film Handler

Posts: 703
From: Hull, East Yorkshire, UK
Registered: Feb 2016


 - posted May 25, 2019 03:09 AM      Profile for Melvin England   Email Melvin England   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
A drunken man staggering down the street walks past a man repairing the engine of his car.

The drunkard slurs "What's the matter with your car?"

"Piston broke," answers the man.

"So am I," replies the drunkard.

.

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"My name is for my friends!"

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Allan Broadfield
Master Film Handler

Posts: 452
From: Bromley, Kent
Registered: Nov 2010


 - posted May 25, 2019 03:38 AM      Profile for Allan Broadfield   Author's Homepage   Email Allan Broadfield   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Excellent, I've repeated the Superman one a couple of times already.

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Mark Mander
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1235
From: Dunstable ,Bedfordshire.
Registered: Jan 2005


 - posted May 25, 2019 07:32 AM      Profile for Mark Mander   Email Mark Mander   Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Two women supermarket checkout workers were talking and one said to the other " I can tell you if a man is single or married just by looking at him,

A customer walks up to the till and one says to the other," what about this guy"

Single she says

Prove it

Hello sir I can tell by looking at you that your single

Oh yeah he says,I am,how can you tell

She says,Your an ugly bastard.

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Elmo GS1200 1.0 lens
Elmo ST1200HD 1.1 lens
Sankyo 800 1.0 lens
Elmo 16CL
Elf NT1

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