8mm Forum: Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here… (a quiz)

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Topic: Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here… (a quiz)

Bill Brandenstein
Phenomenal Film Handler

Posts: 1632
From: California
Registered: Aug 2007

posted April 01, 2013 06:18 AM

ABANDON HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE…
You MIGHT be a film geek if you…
(This is a test! Keep score! Hope you don't mind poking a little fun at our hobby!)

Own a projector that you didn’t get from a relative
+10 points

Own multiple projectors (working or not)
+10 points for each of the first 3
+20 points for each of projectors 4-6
+30 points for projector #7 and higher
+9,000 points if you lost count after 35

Ever found an abandoned, functional projector accidentally
-30 if in a building of some kind
-40 if it was in a storage unit/garage
-50 if it was in a dumpster

Own multiple projectors because you own a movie theater -150 points

Have projectors for more than one format
+25 points per additional format
-200 if you’re a professional film preservationist
+100 if you dream of becoming a film preservationist someday

Would rather thread up a projector than watch TV +25

Your spouse watches TV anyway while you watch your films +45

Your spouse left you because of your films +145

Your spouse almost always views with you -50

Your spouse collects too -150

Think film looks better than VHS -20

Think film (excepting 35mm, of course) looks better than DVD +20

Think film looks better than Blu-ray (again except 35mm) +120

Own more than one screen +10 per screen you own

Collect commercially-produced films (estimate how many titles you own, divide by 2) +x/2

Have friends (former?) over to make them watch movies in your collection +50

Have collected certain films just because the reel designs look cool +75

Ever travel more than 2 hours’ driving distance to visit collector’s events or shows +100

Ever travel more than 7 hours’ driving distance to visit collector’s events or shows +300

Ever travel more than 3 hours’ driving distance to nab a GS-1200 at a steal of a price -200

Make money as a film dealer -75

Still make your own movies, on film, not video -200

Are always looking for better throw-to-screen options at your house (“Now if I just moved this furniture over there, yanked these curtains/pictures off here, hung a screen there, or punched a hole in this here wall…”) +50

Have a dedicated projection area in your house +50

Also, actually have it as an enclosed booth +60

Replaced your garage work bench with an editing bench +70

Replaced the car(s) in your garage with projectors, long-play reel equipment, storage racks, etc. +80

Have a dedicated freezer or refrigerator at home just for storing valuable prints +90

Haven’t eaten at home lately due to lack of refrigerator space +190

When you sleep, you dream about reels turning and projectors humming +20

When you close your eyes, you daydream about reels turning and projectors humming +200

Go to a theater, and spend as much time looking at the booth ports (and what’s going on behind them) as you do the screen +25

Go to a theater, and count the changeover cues or countdown times +50

Go to a theater and count the splices during the show +75

You insist on only going to film-based theaters -100

Ask for a booth tour whenever you go to a theater for the first time +50

Are a professional theater projectionist, so you give the tours -300

While stuck in the bathroom, you stare at the little square floor tiles, visually grouping them into an aspect ratio grid +50

Imagine custom car wheels looking cooler if they were only reels +50

Go to others’ homes, meeting halls, patios, or classrooms, and imagine in your mind how you would best utilize the space for projectors and a screen as a screening room/area +200

Have your film collection and/or equipment specifically mentioned in your will +400
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KEY TO YOUR SCORE:
Negative score to 195:
NOVICE: You’re safe. Life is still balanced and the Film Bug hasn’t bitten you hard, or at least you’re fairly immune. Or coolly professional. It’s not too late to turn back!

200-395:
ENTHUSIAST: The Film Bug has definitely bitten you. Beware. It tends to infest one’s life in mind-altering ways. Turn back while you can, if you can!

400-645:
SERIOUS HOBBYIST: Filmish Folly is a major preoccupation, perhaps even a distraction, in your life. Run for your life! You might still escape. Then again, maybe not.

650-995:
PROFESSIONALLY SMITTEN: You think about film stuff so much that you’d best get therapy. Or at least step out for some fresh air and sunshine. Now. Right now. Rinse. Repeat.

1,000 and above:
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE: You are so severely afflicted as to be beyond therapy, thus requiring hospitalization, perhaps brain surgery, to attempt to correct the ailment. Either that, or you make your living somewhere in the film industry. In either case you have earned everyone’s sympathies, and your spouse everyone’s condolences!

Happy April Fool's Day, everyone!

[ April 01, 2013, 11:51 PM: Message edited by: Bill Brandenstein ]